


I'll never be free

by theworldornothing



Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 05:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6598228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworldornothing/pseuds/theworldornothing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick Miller's personal hell turns out to be not as bad as he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll never be free

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone :)  
> So this is my first New Girl fic and actually also the first fic I've written in a long time. (Although I've definitely read a lot of your great works in the meantime, hehe.)  
> I had She & Him on repeat the other day and this idea bugged me until I wrote it down, just because they really have to get back together.  
> It's set somewhere during season 5, but Sam isn't in the picture anymore or never has been, so maybe it's slightly AU?
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

It is a Thursday evening at The Griffin and this is Nick Miller’s personal hell. He had tried to fight this. He had legitimately tried to put an end to Schmidt’s extremely confusing ramblings about marketing strategies and costumer statistics for weeks by storming out of the room and yelling:  
  
“NOT UNDER MY ROOF!”  
  
“It’s OUR roof Nicholas! And you WILL surrender!”  
  
But then it had gotten nasty. Schmidt had run to the others for support and tricked them like a freaking magician. So apparently everyone in 4D had lost their minds except for Nick, which was why they all betrayed him and he ended up listening to their excited chatter.  
  
“As long as it doesn’t concern face wash, I’m here for you babe,” Cece said.  
  
Jess had fallen into her sing-song voice as she raced to her room to find paper, scissors and some glitter. “-sooo many to choose from! I’m gonna make a top ten liiiiiist!”  
  
And Winston added: “That’d be the perfect occasion to serve some of your special fruity drinks, dude!”  
  
Nick’s expression remained dead serious. “Really, man? You want Aly to see you like this all pumped up on some girly drink?”  
  
They haven’t been dating for long and obviously he hadn’t considered this. But before Winston could come up with a good reply, Schmidt interrupted them.  
“Aly will be way too busy dealing with all of the F-U-N to notice any more of Winston’s weirdness. Admit it Nicholas. You are defeated.”  
  
Which is how he ended up mixing drinks at The Griffin’s first karaoke night.

 

Of course he couldn’t just switch shifts and avoid this horror scenario of most of his regulars slurring Spears and Prince (his beloved Prince) into a crackling microphone. Again, he had tried. But as the yelling started, Schmidt had played a different card. He went very quiet, closed in and casted his eyes up at Nick in a way that made him feel very uncomfortable in his own personal space.  
  
He was about to push his roommate away when Schmidt said:  
“I need you, man. I can’t do this alone and you know it. You are the only one who has these cretins under control. They always make fun of my chinos and the beige-y cardigan. I mean they might be capable of serving you a fabulous Midori Sour but none of them has even the slightest sense of fashion _or_ business. Except of course for my beautiful fiancée who-“  
  
“Wait. Are you talking about my co-workers?”  
  
But Schmidt’s mind had completely drifted off as he was now once _again_ listing the advantages of Cece’s individual body parts to Nick with a blissful smile on his face.  
That was something he couldn’t bear another time. 

“STOP IT! I’ll do it, I’ll do it. Just stop.”

 

He maybe had not been able to avoid this musical debacle altogether, but at least he now has a very good excuse to retreat to his office.  
  
“I have to edit the work schedules for the next three weeks since Gena’s baby decided to be born already. And then there’re delivery notes to be signed and bills to be paid...”  
  
Cece shoots him a knowing look, but can’t hide a little smirk at the same time.  
“Don’t worry, _boss._ Big Bob and I got it covered. But make sure that you won’t miss Jess’ song.”  
  
He nods and releases a sigh of relief once his office door closes behind him and shuts out a very mutilated version of _Drunk in Love._  
  


He knows that Jess won’t be performing her song before nine. She said that she wanted everybody to get into the right mood first, whatever that means. So he keeps himself busy in his office for as long as possible, tackling some tasks that he uses to delay otherwise. Checking the time once again, he eventually finishes his beer and gets up to join the others in the by now crowded bar.  
Looks like Schmidt has actually been right about this. Groaning he runs a hand over the back of his neck. He is so going to rub this in his face. But then he hurries to grab a bottle of tequila and pours some shots to help Cece out with an apparently very thirsty bachelorette party group.  
  


Once every customer is served for the moment, Cece leaves the counter to smooth a heated discussion between tonight’s DJ a.k.a. Schmidt and Outside Dave who insists on performing a medley of his favourite Aguilera songs.  
  
“Nobody can even begin to grasps her brilliance-!”  
  
Nick just shakes his head at this. That’s what you get when you brag about your clever business coups all over the neighbourhood. He cracks two more beers open and slides them to Winston and Aly at the other end of the bar. Then he is about to reach for the bottle of pink wine when he realises that the other seat next to Winston is empty except for Jess’ coat covering the backrest.  
  
“Dude, where is Jess? I thought it’s her turn every minute,” he asks with a frown.  
  
Winton nods. “It is, but she vanished about 15 minutes ago and said she had to get ready. Stage fright, I think.”  
  
Suddenly Nick feels guilty for his grumpy outbursts over the past two weeks whenever he entered the loft and was greeted by her practising another song. “Just choose one already, JESSICA!”  
  
Actually he would have betted money on her settling on _She’s like the Wind,_ but somehow every song turned into that very dramatic solo from _Cats_ in the end. That one time he could have even sworn that she and Winston were doing a duet of _Defying Gravity_ in the bathroom _,_ but Winston denied it fiercely as soon as he pulled his accusing turtle face.  
Now he wonders if he should have gone easier on her as he can judge by the napkins under her empty wine glass, that she must have had at least two refills.  
  
“Don’t worry, man. She is alright, I’m sure of it.” Winston gives him a reassuring nudge, but Nick completely misses out on the peculiar smile he exchanges with Aly, as he just nods absentmindedly and turns to two new customers on his right.  
  


One of them reminds him strongly of Benjamin – slick hair, designer clothes, douchy grin – which is reason enough for Nick to immediately develop a dislike for him. He stands with his back turned to both of them while he prepares their drinks (vodka cranberry - come on) and overhears part of their ongoing conversation.  
  
“Told you man, best chance to hook up. These chicks drink to loosen up and sing, you tell them their song was fantastic and - BOOM! - they’ll give you an encore in your pants.”  
  
“Yeah, whosever idea it was, it is golden!”  
  
Nick rolls his eyes and can hardly suppress an annoyed groan.  
  
“Uuh what do we have here? Looks like I just found my prey. _She_ will definitely re-audition on _my_ stage later.”  
  
“You got her, bro. She won’t know what hit her.”  
  
The faster Nick serves these two buttholes their drinks, the faster he can get away from this unbearable douche-talk. He turns with both glasses in his hands – and stops dead in his tracks.  
  
There she is. On his self-made cheap copy of a stage that Schmidt forced him to built last minute this morning. Jess. Wearing the same red dress that made his mind go blank in that fancy restaurant almost three years ago from now.  
This same dress that hugs her body in all the right places and left him with nothing more than some silly cartoon sounds to express how beautiful she was to him. Is to him, in fact.  
_Va-va-va-va-voooms, hellooooo nurse! Meeeoww, Ziingg....._  
  


“Excuse me, bar boy? Can we have our drinks now?”  
  
Fake Benjamin pulls him back to reality and Nick has to turn his eyes away from Jess for a second. He ignores the annoyed gaze and thrumming finger tips of the jerk in front of him, but slams their drinks down with some extra force as he realises that this guy had just been talking about Jess.  
  
“Yo, you got some Red V on my new Armani, you schmuck!”  
  
But Nick is already at the other end of the bar pretending to wipe the counter while his eyes are back fixed on stage.  
  


Jess has her head turned into Schmidt’s direction, who, still upset from his fundamental debate with Outside Dave, scrolls hectically through his playlist looking for the right song. Meanwhile the silence expands to the back corners of the bar and more and more customers abandon their conversations to curiously survey Jess. She feels another touch of stage fright resting heavy on her chest and keeps her eyes fixed on the shabby wood to her feet, when the music finally sets in.  
It instantly fills room and people with a lazy swaying that is perfectly complemented by some melodic trumpets. Jess closes her eyes, holds fast onto the microphone and ignores the whistle which some slick dude at the bar considered necessary. Then she takes a last deep breath and sings the first few lines:  
  


_“Each time I hold somebody new,_  
My arms go cold aching for you,  
No one can take your place  
Darlin’ in my embrace,  
I’ll never be free...”  
  


Nick’s mind is racing, incapable to really listen to what Jess is actually singing. Her sight and voice is enough for him to turn his stomach upside down and have his insides boiling with something that he thought he had tucked away deep down for good. This is worse than her annoying tights, the look-at-me-skirt or these ridiculous shorts. Her voice is all-consuming, hits him hard and he had never known that she could even sing like this. Back when they were dating, she never- Back when they were dating... 

Memories flood his already hazy mind and bring back a wave of sensations. Her scent when he used to kiss this spot right behind her ear in the morning, something like coconut and raspberries. Her laugh when she cracked up about some stupid joke of his that the others dismissed with an eye-roll. This dress. She had worn it once more, when he took her out, this time for real. The way he had ripped it off of her afterwards when they barely made it to his room. The touch of her skin...  
  
Unconsciously he balls his hands into fists and fights to turn his eyes away from Jess. This is torturing. She has no idea what she is doing to him. How could she even-?   
Of course he had thought about this before. Several times wide-awake and even more times asleep. Still, Sleeping Nick is a completely different person and he hasn’t got the least freaking idea how hard Real Nick had fought to get things back the way they are now.  
That’s why he has to get away from here, hide this one out in his office and down a few strong ones. They’ll help to bury all of this stuff back into his mental box labelled _Jess._  
  


He squeezes his eyes shut and manages to turn away, but promptly bums into Cece who is blocking his way, hands resting at her hips.  
  
“No. Look and listen.”  
  
He is about to protest, but the words get caught in his throat when he realises that Jess’ look is glued to him now and she seems to notice nothing else around her.

 _“I’ll never be free from your smile so tender_  
The sweet surrender in your eyes,  
How can I be free when I still remember  
How you could thrill me with a sigh.”  
  


What-? Is she-? She can’t be serio- or... can she? His mind goes completely blank as he feels his self-control fade away entirely. The suppressed emotions hit him again but this time with full force and are further fuelled by Jess’ next lines.  
  


_“When my lips burn with desire_  
No other kiss can put out the fire  
Though I may try and try  
No one can satisfy  
This longing in me.”  
  


He swallows hard. Her words send electric jolts down his spine and he finds himself to be completely transfixed in the moment. Her eyes are still locked with his and leave no doubt that every word is directed at him. His heart hammers against his chest in a certainly very unhealthy way and he is not sure how much longer his body can cope with its rhythm. He realises that her hips sway gently to the beat of the bass and feels a deep groan escaping his lips which is deafened by the music.  
  


“ _Just like a chain bound to my heart_  
Your love remains when we’re apart  
Each kiss I gave to you  
Made me a slave to you  
I’ll never be free.”  
  


She closes her eyes at the last line and some genuine applause yanks them both back to reality. There’s only enough time for them to share another intense look, before Jess leaves the stage and is immediately surrounded by a bunch of immensely interested guys – or horny douche bags, how Nick would call them.  
He sees fake Benjamin putting his arm around Jess’ shoulder and is about to hit the roof. Unfortunately, the bachelorette party group is in desperate need for more tequila and therefore blocks his way out from behind the counter. So he can only gesture wildly at Schmidt to come to Jess’ defence.  
In fact, Jess is doing a pretty good job getting rid of this intrusive arm and its owner herself, but Schmidt just can’t resist.  
  
“Well, I’d say get some decent moccasins if you want to impress a lady, but your chance was lost at this horrible shirt. What that’s supposed to be? Impressionist dressing for five-year-olds?”  
  
He steps protectively at Jess’ side and scans fake Benjamin, whose head is now almost as red as his shirt, dismissively up and down.  
“Who is this clown?! Are you her brother or what? Well, her good looks don’t seem to run in the family. You can excuse me and the lady now.”  
  
“No Sir,” Jess interrupts and eventually shakes off his persistent fingers, “ _you_ can excuse us. We are supposed to meet our friends, who are cops by the way. Our cop-friends, who are our friends and also cops. For a living, you know.”  
With that she links her arm with Schmidt’s and drags him into Winston’s and Aly’s direction before he can start insulting fake Benjamin’s haircut.  
  
“Was that supposed to be intimidating?” he asks while they try to squeeze their way through the thirsty crowd. ****  
  
“That”, Jess answers, “was supposed to let him know, that I know people who could wrestle him to the ground, if he didn’t stop touching me.”  
  
“Well, _I_ know someone who would have been much faster than our ‘cop-friends’ at that...” Schmidt mutters under his breath, but Jess is already in Winston’s arms for a warm you-made-it-cuddle.  
  


The rest of the evening doesn’t really go how Jess had imagined it. The place is packed with people so that Big Bob, Cece and Nick all have their hands full with serving people, mixing drinks and repairing this stupid flushing up toilet. She has finished her fresh glass of pink wine, which Cece left at her place when she was on stage, about ten minutes ago and now feels the adrenaline that was pumping through her body slowly turning into panic.  
It’s not like she hadn’t thought this through and isn’t a hundred percent sure about it. But every passing minute somehow erases some of the carefully selected things she intended to say to Nick and leaves her a nervous mess.  
He shoots her a glance whenever he has the split of a second obviously eager to come over, which just thickens the already heavy lump in her throat. Aly tries to distract her by describing the corpse she and Winston had to pull out of a river last week in great detail, but this just makes Jess’ stomach turn in a bad way. She excuses herself, but instead of going to the bathroom, she steps outside in the parking lot and fills her lungs with some fresh air.

“Guys where- where is Jess?!” Finally Nick manages to take care of their drinks as well, which Winston appreciates by taking a big gulp and letting him stir before he answers him.  
  
“She left a couple of minutes ago to use-“  
  
“SHE LEFT?!?”  
  
Nick doesn’t hear anything else as he turns on the spot and races towards the bar’s entrance stepping on people’s feet and shoving customers aside. When he reaches the parking lot, he almost runs Jess over since she was just about to go back inside. Before she can stumble, he catches her with both arms and pulls her to her feet.  
  
“Dammit Jess, I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to-“  
  
But she just cuts him off by shaking her head lightly and resting a moment longer against his chest. When he realises how close they are, he abruptly takes a step back and curses himself for doing so at the same time. It’s just that he hasn’t got the slightest idea where they are right now and he can’t risk messing this chance up. 

She stares at him blatantly as if to signal that it’s his turn now, that she has already said everything there is to say. His mind is racing at the speed of lightning – what the hell is he supposed to do? Ask her why she has done it? Why for god’s sake she would pick this song and mess with his head? That’s ridiculous. Her words have been more than clear and after all this is Jessica Day. Whenever she struggles to say something or goes through strong emotions, she puts it in song. He really shouldn’t be surprised that after all this time, she addressed it like this. So what does he do now?  
  
As the seconds pass and he still struggles to formulate any coherent string of words at all, it dawns on her. This was a terrible idea. How could she have thought that this would work out? After all, this is Nick Miller and putting him under this kind of pressure can nothing but backfire.  
  
She clears her throat and is about to release them both from this awkward situation, when Nick determinedly takes a step forward and invades her personal space. Her words ring in his ears and they are all he can repeat over and over in his head. _I’ll never be free..._  
  
So he shoves one hand into the right pocket of his jeans and lifts a small, strangely familiar coin into her sight.  
  
“Me neither, Jess. I’ll never be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! And please excuse any language errors. I'm majoring in English, but still it's not my mother tongue. Feel free to send me any corrections, if you like :)


End file.
